Something in my Facebook feed stopped me cold.
Two somethings, actually. Both had to do with Arnold Abbott, the 90-year-old who, with two pastors, was arrested for feeding homeless people in Fort Lauderdale. Abbott et al. ran afoul of a new city ordinance that addresses what officials see as their homeless problem.
Two posts in my Facebook feed alerted me to the story. The first came from a progressive friend who bemoaned the heartlessness she saw in the cityâ€™s response. The second, hard on the heels of the first, came from a conservative friend who bemoaned the heartlessness she saw in the cityâ€™s response.
Can anyone say common ground?
Dialogue practitioners use the search for common ground as a powerful strategy for individual dialogues. Common ground humanizes us in the eyes of the other, and vice versa. If you and your convictions make my blood boil, and it comes to light that we feel the same way about somethingâ€”it could be anythingâ€”this discovery can take the edge off my hostility. As my hostility abates, my capacity for listening grows.
So allow me a modest suggestion: letâ€™s extend the search for common ground beyond instances of dialogueâ€”and into every interaction in our lives.
Hereâ€™s what it might look like in miniature. One of my Facebook friends, a classmate from my alma mater, is both a rock-ribbed conservative and outspoken about it. Her words are often incendiary, and I have nearly unfriended her more than once. (Iâ€™m stunned that she hasnâ€™t unfriended me.)
Every now and then, however, sheâ€™ll post something in praise of someone in military service, or in praise of God. I find myself agreeing, and I post a comment standing in solidarity with her. Itâ€™s common ground expressed.
Of course, this sort of thing may make no difference at all. But letâ€™s say she and I have to resolve a problem. Thereâ€™s a small chance that sheâ€™ll go into the dialogue thinking, â€œMy goodness, Backman is a liberal jerk. But all in all, heâ€™s not that bad. He loves Jesus, etc.â€ Her heart opens a little to hearing me. And vice versa: I remember the times weâ€™ve connected, and my heart opens a little.
Maybe it makes the difference between failure and success.
What if we did this on a larger scale? What if we laid the ground for common ground with everyone we know on the â€œother sideâ€? What are the chances we might become more openhearted in our deepest selves?
Have you ever tried this? What happened?