This past weekend I found myself in Drummondville, Quebec, about an hour east of Montreal, waiting to place my breakfast order at a Tim Hortonâ€™s. As you might expect, the menu and the chatter of the counter staff were entirely in French.
French is not my first language.
Thanks to C. Douglas Fenner and several other great teachers, I speak French tolerably well. I understand spoken French less well. And when the speakers are QuÃ©bÃ©coisâ€”whose French is different from what I learned in high school, and who speak much fasterâ€”I might catch one word out of every 10.
That, of course, makes ordering breakfast an adventure.
I didnâ€™t know how to say oatmeal, but a photo of a steaming bowl shone brightly from the overhead menu, so I plucked the right word from there. My counter person asked me a question, which I initially fumbled, then understood as â€œfor here or to go?â€ (I heard the words pour iciâ€”â€œfor hereâ€â€”and that was enough.) So far, so good. I ordered my coffee just fineâ€”large, cream, two sugarsâ€”and paid and waited.
Suddenly another employee stepped up and asked me a rapid-fire question. I didnâ€™t catch a single word. So I resorted to my default answer: oui.
It wasnâ€™t completely ignorant. As she spoke, I thought about where we were in the transaction and what she might possibly be asking. It had to be about toppings for the oatmeal. Fortunately, I like just about any and every topping on my oatmeal, so oui was pretty low risk.
And high reward: the oatmeal was delicious.
Why am I telling this story? Because it started me thinking about the value of paying attention to the here and nowâ€”more than that, to everything in the here and now (in a word, mindfulness). When youâ€™re awake to everything, you pick up cues that might otherwise elude you. Suddenly two words in a 10-word sentence are enough. A sharp eye on the process, especially a process as familiar as ordering at a coffee shop, enables a response that just might make sense.
We do this all the time in one-on-one interactions: we read facial expressions, gestures, tones of voice, etc., and our understanding is much better than if we just heard the words. While this sort of attention is helpful one on one, it can make the difference between success and disaster in group interactions.
Iâ€™ll tell you a story or two about groups next time. For now: have you had an experience like my Tim Hortonâ€™s saga? How did you navigate it? What did it teach you?